The Road to "No"
- LáShaun Jenice
- Mar 7, 2019
- 5 min read
Learn to Say No Without Explanation
There have been many people I have looked up to in different seasons of my life from my third-grade teacher to my favorite female pro basketball player to the glow of a first lady, but no one struck a bigger chord than Marnie Swedberg and her empowerment events.
It was late November 2012 and I finally got a hit on my freelance personal assistant post on Freelance.com.
It was a Christian woman from Minnesota looking for a personal assistant for her visit to Ocean City Maryland. The planning had begun and I was officially assisting a entrepreneur and woman of God. We finally meet after 4 months of telephone and email conversations. The first night in Ocean City we went to dinner and I was nervous. I wanted to maintain professionalism but wanted to pick her brain on her journey to being a paid speaker, restaurateur, and a life coach. After the small talk, Marnie began to feed me with encouragement and she threw in some scripture and biblical references.
I finally got the nerve to ask “how did you become so successful.” She had the token answers, “oh I planned and prayed” and “it has been a journey….the support of my family.”
One thing stuck out and still does today, “La’Shaun, I learned to say no without explanation and appreciate my self-worth.”
The rest of the weekend went well it was a great success. I was her personal assistant for 3 speaking engagements that empowered me to be a young lady and grow as a woman of God. In every sense, it helped me understand the business of being a woman of God and operating in his authority.
As the last engagement came to an end she promised to stay connected and she did. It was easy to do because I have a dedicated business phone number and email address. For the next year, I faced the biggest decisions involving my business, my relationship with God and my duties as a mother. Most times, I couldn’t address these decisions head-on, I didn't have the courage and was more afraid to fail. Marnie was another person I did not want to disappoint.
The biggest decision was letting go of a business partner. My business partner wanted to incorporate an industry I was trying to get away from. The numbers were on point. The plan was lucrative, but it wasn’t something I had to do. I wrote a 2-page email detailing why I was declining the opportunity. With all the explanation, it did not help. But I still had to say no. I lost a dozen clients after the press release was distributed. I was broken, I needed a boost. I remember getting an email about an online Bible Study Expo hosted by Marnie. I signed up immediately and became a hostess. I was excited to connect with Marnie again at another event.
The day of the expo came. I had my instructions and was ready to work. Within 30 minutes I was crying at my desk, amazed at the move of God that flowed through this online webinar type portal. To hear the authors of the expo describe their books and explain their journeys. God was using this expo to give me courage and strength in the midst of my struggle.
I took notes, I ordered books, I cried, I commented, I laughed, I reflected. My notes still read today: When we say no, God will help us to stand by it. He will give us courage. You say, “But the temptations are so great. I can’t resist them.” Of course, you can’t. In my own strength, I can’t either. We cannot live pure lives without the help of God.
This expo connected me to a fellowship of powerful authors, ministers, moms, grandmas, aunts, and sisters in Christ that are going through the same thing I encountered... and they are winning today. I have been a hostess for the Bible Study Expo every year since 2014 and in 2016 an author featured offered seven ways to say no without explanation and proved that the connection with Marnie and her events was ordained by God.
If you are in need of strength to get over the hump, this expo is for you. If you are looking to hear from women, across the globe, that have traveled through the journey of balancing business, motherhood, ministry service and life AND are still standing strong, this expo is for you. If you are in need of a boost of encouragement coupled with tools to excel in all areas of your life, this expo is for you. Say yes to this expo and no to the excuses of why you can't listen in, just for a few minutes.
Thursday, March 14, 2019 the Bible Study Expo continues for its tenth year. I am honored to be a hostess again and invite you to listen in, for free, to this powerful Bible Study Expo, Thursday, March 14, 2019 between the hours of 1-4pm online at www.BibleStudyExpo.com.
Seven ways to say “no” without explanation:
1.“No.” While this short answer gets the job done, if you cross your arms, stomp your foot and say it forcefully, you will sound like a 2-year-old. Not good for inspiring loyalty and admiration in your followers.
2. “No, thank you.” Clear, concise and far more polite than an emphatic “no.”
3. “That doesn’t/won’t work for me.” When faced with this answer, healthy individuals accept your push back. Additionally, it often leads to creating a solution that works for both parties.
4. “I can’t do that, but I’m happy to do this.” Use this answer when you can cheerfully do a portion of the request, or have something else to offer that doesn’t cause you to feel resentful.
5. “I’m flattered to be asked, but my plate is full. You might want to ask [insert name of person who doesn’t carry their weight].” This is a simple way to even out the workload. As long as you’re willing to enable others to coast and do less than their job or share of the work, they will be delighted to do so.
6. “Let me get back with you.” This response gets you out of the heat of the moment and enables you to consider your resources and goals before making a commitment. Added bonus — it enables you to check with others before committing them. The only caveat is you actually need to get back with the person, otherwise you leave them hanging and become the person causing the problem.
7. “I can help you with that tomorrow (or next week, next month, next year).” This is the correct answer when a lack of preparation on their part compels them to try to make it your crisis/deadline. You know what’s on your plate, including your own deadlines, goals and resources. You also know their job responsibilities. Act accordingly.
Once you say “no,” it’s imperative that you stop talking. Offering excuses and explanations only weakens your stance and compels them to help you find a way to say “yes.”
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