I Thought That Wound Had Healed

Just as bright as the sun shines it can also blind-side you. Most times this happens out of the blue ... a gut punch to all your plans and goals.

POW ... have some insecurity.

BOOM ... lets add some fear.

POW ... have some doubt.

BOOM ... lets include some past hurt to collapse your thought pattern.

There you are. You are down. Wounded again... in the same place you thought was healed. Well, I am right there with you. *LADY DOWN* The super human lady that stood just seconds ago is no longer standing. I am deep inside my insecurities. I am swimming in my fears. I am overwhelmed with doubt and every past hurt and mistake is slapping me in my face.

I am sinking in anxiety, but wait ... I thought this wound had healed. I thought I was strong enough to not let the bad things overcome me but here I lay.

This is all happening to me ... in real time. I am trying to move forward - provide more for my kids, finally obtain a degree and present more than a pretty face at the table for my husband. On paper, that is the hardest thing to do. I never thought my mistakes would be so exposed as they are now.

Am I not worth what I prayed for? Did I bite off too much? Am I not ready for this life? Yes, I am mildly freaking out right now. *RING, RING* I don't want to talk to anyone or converse, I am in my feelings. *BUZZ* "You are in charge of YOU" texted my husband. It doesn't make me feel better, but it shakes me from my slump.

I have no time for anxiety. I have no time to doubt. I have no time to dwell on negative things. That is what the adversary (devil) wants you to do. Drown in your sorrows and stay there. Instead, I am going to take charge of my emotions and get it together.

When I began to feel overwhelmed or overly emotional, here is what I do:

• Pray, when you don't feel like praying. I never thought to pray first until I had nothing else to do but pray. When I could not articulate the feelings or emote effectively, prayer was the only thing that calmed the raging waters. Although it wasn't an immediate fix, it leveled my head and made me focus and listen to what and where God was leading me.

• Cry, when you think all the tears are gone. A big part of healing is releasing. To cry is my personal release. Most times, when I can no longer cry or emote over the situation, I am over it. I have cried over the smallest things internally understanding that the wounds of my past insecurities are not healed. So I have to continue to heal through tears. It does help.

• Listen, even when it hurts. When I get this overwhelmed, most times, I want sympathy but husband doesn't allow it. "You are in control, why are you letting that get to you." It hurts to know that I lost control but it helps to listen to someone, my husband, that loves me and only wants the best for me.

• Trust, when every part is telling you not to. I had to trust my husband and I had to trust God. He sent me someone that understands the love I needed when I needed it. Giving my heart didn't come with the vows it comes with my actions everyday.

Your wound may not be healed but you are not bleeding out. This wound can heal; never to reopen again. Be patient with yourself. Surround yourself with people who care about you and your well being. Lastly, don't give up on the process.

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Have you ever been blind-sided in life? How did you overcome it? Comment!