My circle isn’t small, its empty

A Sisterhood without Friends

I recently turned to Facebook Live to respond to some questions that hit my inbox. I spoke about the value of a true sisterhood, true friends. It may shock some of you. I do not have a lot of young lady friends and this has been an issue since grade school. I completely embarrassed myself at a convention back in the mid 90’s when I stood on the stage in front of a thousand people and cried “I don’t have any friends.” I just wanted to relate to some young ladies that were my own age.

Did the outburst help? It did for a little while, then I was back to no friends. My best friend in high school was a Mormon Caucasian girl, Kim. We met at school during lunch, we were the only ladies in the entire school that wore long skirts and fasted during the school day. Back then, it wasn’t as cool to be a Christian, it wasn’t a fashion statement, it was weird.

We are still friends to this day but we did not attend the same college. I was back to no friends in a foreign place in college. At this point, I was used to it. I had associates, partied with the best of them and ate in the cafeteria with everyone, but I did not have a friend.

Throughout my 20’s, I didn't have friends, I had employees. While that is what it felt like. I was realizing I had leadership qualities. I was realizing my circle wasn’t small, it was empty. I had zero friends that were on my level. I am not saying I was better than anyone else, just on another level. While others got paid and went directly to the club, I got paid, reup and went to the club to make money. While others were waiting at the bar for a guy to buy them a drink, I was walking into my VIP section of club with a bottle in each hand. While others came to work with jeans on casual Friday, I came in business casual just as the leaders in the directors and human resources office.

While I indulged my secrets with a friend, she had me on speaker phone with my worst enemy. While others were planning another child to increase their food stamps or temporary cash assistance, I enrolled in college to obtain a promotion and pay increase with my job. While While others bought cars with notes with their tax return, I put 75% of my tax return in my savings account to sit and collect interest. I was on another level and my “friends” were not supportive, they wanted to know my business to tell my business not to assist me in business.

So what was the point of having friends? By the age of 27, I no longer wanted to have friends, I wanted sisterhood. A sisterhood where it didn’t matter what I was doing and what others were doing, I was going to hold you up regardless. I began to realize that my purpose wasn’t to have friends but to uplift generation of “friends” to the longevity of sisterhood.

Do you know why so many women are apart of sororities? They want a lifetime of sisterhood. I have a sister, we have our ups and downs, we have even gone almost 2 years not talking, but she is STILL my sister and I still love her the same. When I call her, she picks up the phone, no judgement, just positive pushing. That’s what I need. Most times, we don’t even talk about anything serious, but her words that empower her thus empowers me.

Based on my history with friends, they will betray you at your darkest hour and hate it when you on top. Some friends are only friends with you when you are down. They feed off misery and despair. With my history, friends need to know all your business so they can share all your business instead of their business. I don’t need friends. I need a sisterhood. A group of boss ladies ready to take it to the next level with no judgement, shade or hate for their fellow sister. A group of ladies that are for the advancement of all ladies, young and old, to pursue and accomplish their goals. A group of ladies who will have your back while God holds you down.

So I have started generating my sisterhood, I have two members, Rhonda Williams and my biological sister, LaQuanda Day. Honestly, I have no idea what Rhonda story is.. I do not have the details. I just know that I pray for her and her children always. I always give her a hug and tell her that I love her and I got her back. Whenever we are in church and the praise goes up, I am right there to praise with her.

I am rebuilding my sisterhood with my sister, LaQuanda, putting the past in the past and keeping it there. We are moving forward from the point of origin NOW. We can only change our future based on our lessons from the past. She is my sister, I pray for her everyday and encourage her to follow her heart and take care of herself, regardless of what else is going on.

As more members arrive, I will not call them friends, this level of sisterhood doesn’t need the shady frenemies that pierce our hearts but genuine love and encouragement that a sister gives. Do you need to shift some of your friends to sisters? Do you need to get rid of your friends? Can you put your shade away and just encourage your sisters to push them through their struggle? Are you ready to celebrate your sister after the struggle is over?

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