Leading While Bleeding

It's Not About You

I never thought I would be a leader. I was petite, quiet-spoken, wore glasses and I enjoyed the geeky things in life ... watching my dad fix computers, adoring my mom sew rags into riches and watching my sister lip sync all the Salt N' Pepa songs while getting dressed for church. I was definitely an on-looker, but leader, absolutely not.

It didn't take long for me to step into leadership roles without effort throughout grade school. In the seventh grade my math teacher, Ms. Brown, loved my handwriting so much and my ability to take notes like dictation; she gave me carbon paper to write all the notes down for everyone. In eleventh grade, I started the first Black Student Achievement Program Gospel Choir. As a freshman in college, I started my first business... sewing jeans into skirts.

Leading in adulthood was not as easy as my minor leadership days. I failed to connect to my peers let alone an audience. I began to blend in the background, being average staying safe and unseen. I was miserable and quickly grew frustrated not seeing the excellence and passion that I exuded but afraid to expose.

Years of playing it safe made me reflect on days when I was a leader. When those looked up to me to start something new, voice my concerns and not back down for anything or anyone. I was not longer positive in negative situations, I was a coward. I bounced out of my funk and began to lead.

Starting my own business and having employees was the push I needed. I was ready for the task. I was great at giving direction, invoking new ideas and implementing quality and efficient processes. For months it worked, my sales were up and stress was down. My staff and interns were growing and the brand name was beginning to buzz. Problems started at the beginning of year three. Interns began to start their own businesses. Staff began to complain about the salary and the morale of my team was dwindling fast.

I felt myself pulling back, going back to that safe place being unseen and just getting by. I failed to realize that my audience, my fans, my clients, my ghost followers were counting on me. Although my bank account was bleeding, my emotions were damaged and I felt completely isolated; I had people that needed me. They needed me to lead them.

The remaining staff and interns needed me to lead them to the next level although our co-workers were dropping like flies. It wasn't about my needs or what I was feeling. I was a leader... I am a leader and many people were depending on me to manage, influence and breakthrough the darkness.

Being positive in a negative situation is not naive. It's leadership. If you are a leader and you want to stay that way, remember that it's not about you. People, young, old, and indifferent are looking at you ... watching your moves TO BETTER THEMSELVES through your lifestyle. Accept your role, whether you are bleeding, smiling, winning or bossing. The world needs YOU!